


The Epsilon Chronicles

by Jestersnthieves (Lunarflare14)



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Lost Love, Love Letters, M/M, Memories, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-11
Updated: 2013-04-11
Packaged: 2017-12-08 05:05:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/757374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarflare14/pseuds/Jestersnthieves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tucker never got to tell Church how he felt. All he had was memories. But Church keeps finding ways to haunt him... literally.</p><p>Begins after Season 6 (ish)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Do Believe in Ghosts

Tucker wasn’t suppose to find it, but with all the stuff taken out of the room it stood out. It was old, the pages yellowing. It looked old enough to be in a museum. It was blue. The same stormy blue as his eyes. The writing on the front shimmered silver letter, Tryst by Elswyth Thane. He opened the book to the first page, curious, “Sabrina had never picked a lock in her life, but it was done every day in books.”  
  
Strange, he thought flipping through the pages. One word kept jumping at him off the page: ghost. It was a ghost story. He laughed aloud. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He reached the end. The last couple words leaping off the page. They made him giggle.  
  
"We never go there -- it's haunted!"  
  
That made sense. You should fear ghosts. It’s just the way those stories go. Oh the irony of Church owning a ghost story. Then he noticed the indentations on the last page, the blank one that he never figured out why book publishers put in. He flipped it and his heart beat quicken. A letter. He recognized the writing immediately. It was HIS. No doubt about it. Sharp, medium sized, each word eerily space the same distance apart. Like a computer. He was almost scared to focus in on the words. To finally know. He closed his eyes and slowly opened them.  
  
  
 _Dear Tuck,  
  
If you’re reading this I’m probably dead. Or I’ve been transferred. Anyway, you’re probably celebrating right now. If you are, I suggest you just burn this now instead of wasting your time. Because I’m about to get real sappy-_  
  
Tucker stopped reading. Debating if he should stop now. It was enough to know Church had cared enough to write him. Had wanted to end on a sappy note. But still… He read on anyway.  
  
 _-But you’ve been the best friend I've ever had. Sure, we’ve fought and bickered but at the end of the day I don’t know how I would’ve made it through this without you. I would never admit that face to face of course. And you know if I did you’d just tell me to stop being such a girl.-_  
  
Tucker would have. Church knows him way to well. Damn it, he’s got to stop pausing as he reads.  
  
 _-So it’s easier to risk you never finding out then to tell you to your face. I think I’m just beating around the bush here. Even though I keep writing, hoping it will get easier, it really doesn't and I've just caught myself babbling and… I’m going to miss you something crazy wherever I’ve gone and you better fucking miss me too or I’m going to kick your ass. Yeah, so maybe it‘s a bit fruity. I DO remember what we did that night they sent us that Tequila, and let me tell you THAT was fruity._  
  
Tucker blushed. He shook the thought away. There had to be a point to bring THAT up.  
  
 _You know what makes this really weird? You’re right next to me asleep on my shoulder as I write this. We were watching Ironman and next thing I know you lull to the side and land on my shoulder. And what do I think of this situation?… God help me, I think it’s beautiful. And that got me to thinking about what’ll happen when we leave. When I can no longer see you everyday or maybe even ever again…._  
  
 _Oh hell I‘m still stalling… But fuck it I’m not around for you to rub it in my face so… Wish I was. Allow me a purely selfish moment in which you miss me until you can’t take it anymore. Think about me every day, every minute, every second- Let me be the reason you can’t sleep. And let anyone else’s touch not be enough._  
  
 _Because I’m doing the same thing somewhere._  
  
 _Because I’m in love with you._  
  
 _L. Church_  
  
He couldn’t help it. Once the first one fell there was no holding back. This was ridiculous. He hadn’t cried when Church left. He’d waved at him with a smile as he climbed in the ship. Now? The bastard should never have left the damn book. Or the letter. Or Tucker.  
  
“IDIOT!" He threw the book against the wall. Fresh tears poured down his cheeks. If it was back when Iron Man had been on their one channel, that meant that Caboose hadn’t even shown up yet. It had been just him and Tucker. After all this time, everything they’d been through, he would have thought… He sank down onto the bed and laid there. It smelled like Church. “Such an idiot.”  
  
There was a knock at the door, “Time to go, Private Tucker.” Tucker wiped away the tears and stood. He went to leave but stopped and looked at the room Church had abandoned the previous week, then at the book. He knew it would haunt him--leaving it. The letter that said all the unspoken things between them. He hurried back to retrieve it and made his way to the shuttle.


	2. Dead Men Tell No Tales

“Church.” Tucker was looking at the floating ball. Unwilling to accept what he‘d just been heard. “You‘re telling me that thing is Church.” He was going to cry. Seriously. He felt the tightening in his throat the sting at the back of his eyes, even as Caboose did his best to explain it. Any second the water works would start. Or he was going to kill Caboose. One or the other. He liked the latter opinion- it was a bit more manly. Getting pregnant had already stripped him of most of his Man Cards, he didn‘t want to add crying like a girl in front of his…. Comrades? That’s when Caboose said he’d been telling Church stories about them. Which could only mean…   
  
“So the only things he knows about us is what YOU told him.” Yup, definitely leaning towards homicide. “That’s scary on a lot of level dude.” And it’s also some bull shit. This whole situation is a load of crap! Church should pick. Dead or alive. And stop fucking jumping between the two. He couldn't keep doing this to him. It wasn't fucking fair. He wished he could wipe at his misty eyes.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“WHY?! Okay, quick quiz. Who am I?” _Please at least say Tucker, please.  
_  
“You’re… Captain Flowers, right? You‘re dead.” Nope he was going to cry.  _SHIT! SHIT! That asshole. That dumb as mother fucker didn‘t tell him who I was or what we-_! The floating thing calling itself  Church turned back to Caboose, “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that part. Is he like a zombie…?”  
  
“Uh huh…” Back to homicide. Yup, can’t be upset if he‘s stabbing Caboose‘s innards with his sword. It would definitely dull the slow ache crawling through his chest. His heart was breaking. Oh god they never even kissed- he was not counting tequila night- and he‘s acting like he lost his lov- “And who’s he?”  
  
He didn’t take comfort in the fact that his information about the other squad members was incorrect. Christ he really doesn’t remember… Anything. His thoughts roamed to the book hidden in the compartment on his back. Christ, he’s lost him three times now.  _How many times is this going to keep happening?_  And the worst part about it was Church had lied. He didn’t miss him. He didn’t even know his FUCKING NAME. He was going to bash someone’s head in... It hurt. Damn it, he’d done just like Church had asked. He’d missed him. Every cell in his body screamed for Church to say his name just the way he remembered. To hear him rant about Caboose's stupidity. To say 'fuck it, I don't give a shit, really'. But NO! He went and got his program wiped clean and now. Even as that… Thing reassured him- them- that he‘d remember eventually. The ball claiming to be Church was in the middle of an un-Church-like speech about teamwork  as he began to float away.  
  
“Uh yeah, I don’t seem to have full control of my body yet… But that doesn’t invalidate anything I said! I‘m still the leader! FUCK!” Now THAT was Church. He turned off the speaker on his helmet just in time to cut off the giggle. Keeping his precious Man-Status in check. It had caught him off guard. But it was so... Comforting. “Okay! I’ll be right back! Nobody else take the leader position while I’m gone!”  
  
Inside his helmet he burst out laughing and crying at the same time. So there was still the same old Church inside that machine. The memory may be gone. But maybe it wouldn’t be forever. Along with the emotions attached to them.  
  
 _It’s not his fault_ , He decide with a sigh.  _It’s no use. I can’t be mad at him for not remembering me_ … But he was still going to kill Caboose.


	3. The Persistence of Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That fruity night of Tequila.

An empty and a half drunk bottle of Jose Cuevo sat on the coffee table, with a few scatter lime peels. Tucker hiccupped from his seat on the couch next to Church., “Alrighty my turn… Never have I ever… Done body shots.” Church cursed and downed his shot of Tequila. “Ha! You’re gonna ta be so drunk.” He said with a giggle. The Tequila had been to celebrate Tucker’s first year in the service, but Captain Flowers had died the week before. They were now using it to celebrate his life. By now they’d had enough alcohol to intoxicate a elephant. Both their words slurred together. But their conversation was going something like this.  
  
“Can’t believe you’ve never done body shots.”  
  
“I’m not even sure what it is really.”   
  
“You don’t know what-”  
  
“Don’t make fun of me. You always make fun of me.”  
  
“You know how you put salt on the web of your thumb?”  
  
“Yeah. It’s like that only some one else licks it off.” Tucker’s eyes went wide. “My girl back home hated that. You can also just lick the alcohol straight of the person. OH! And the other person can hold the lime in there mouth.”  
  
Tucker was wide eyed, “That’s sounds great.”  
  
“Shall we broaden your horizons?” Church said waving the salt in front of Tucker’s face. He slowly nodded. “You wanna take the shot or should I demonstrate first.”  
  
“Demonstrate.” tucker said quickly… Well as quickly as his drunken fog allowed.  
  
“Shirt. Off.” Tucker clumsily replied, as he hastened to take off the t-short. When he did Church gingerly pushed him back against the arm rest, crawling to kneel between his legs. Here’s how it goes. He stuck his thumb in his mouth. Making it good and wet, causing Tucker jaw to drop. Church took the saliva covered thumb and made a trail from Tuckers Adam’s apple to his naval, then salted it. He was nothing if not thorough. He took a slice of lime and put it in Tucker’s mouth that still hung open, “Hold this for me, babe.” Church quickly poured a shot and bent to lick his comrades naval, dipping his tongue in the crevice a few times before liking his way up his abs. Tucker let out a delirious gasp as a shiver ran through him. Though the body beneath him was a burning up. Church downed the shot and took the lime from the other private’s mouth, their lips briefly brushing. He made a face and Tucker giggled. Church took it from his own mouth. “Damn it if that isn’t good.” He looked at Tucker and grinned, “Got something on your on your face.” He grabbed Tucker’s chin and licked away some lime juice. Tucker arched his back. His groan rubbing against Church’s thigh. Church pulled back and smirked.  
  
Turker’s eyes were wide, and a bit apprehensive. As if he just realized this was a bit… Well, FRUITY. (No pun intended). Tucker’s mouth seemed to function once again, “I’M A VIRGIN!”  
  
Church burst out laughing, “Wow! I was unaware this was deep dark secret hour.” He leaned in again, “Well, fine. I’ve always though you were really sexy.” Tucker blushed. He smiled softly, “And damn if you aren’t cute when you’re embarrassed.”  
  
Tucker glared, “I still have half a salt trail on my chest you know.”  
  
Church nodded somberly, “Yes you do. Allow me remedy that.” He poured another shot and licked up his chess. Getting to his neck. “Mmmm…” He nipped and sucked at his collar bone. Not enough to bruise though. He was beginning to feel tired. Damn it, they started this a little to late. Church took the last shot. Tucker panted with half drooping eye lids, then they closed. Already nodding off, Church placed a light kiss on his lips. “We’re all but spent.”  
  
“Neh…”  
  
Tucker scooted over a little and Church shifted to the Space between him and the couch And laid his head on his chest. “Goodni… L..ve.. Ya..”  
  
“Ni…”  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
If he had eye lids he’d have blinked. What the hell? Where did THAT come from? That guy’s voice was like the teal guys… Was that why his circuits went into overdrive when he’d seen him? Why he couldn’t stop looking at him? Why it bothered him so much that he couldn’t put a name to the voice? And who was the ‘girl back home‘? And what had happened next? Oh god he liked guys? Did that make him gay? Holy shit it was overwhelming. For his own sake he pushed it to the back of his mind. He’d have to ask Tucker about their past. Since Caboose was obviously miss informed.


	4. Like I've Never Seen The Sky

Church is not perfect; he is loud, annoying, self center, easily distracted, lazy, insults him, drinks to much, eats his food, forgets to flush the toilet, doesn’t even have a body any more, plays his music to loud but-  
  
DAMN IT  
  
Nobody. Takes. Church.  
  
NOBODY.  
  
So damn it if he wouldn’t fight to the edge of the universe. Damn the consequences. Damn CT.   
  
Church was his.  
  
He ran as fast as he could out of the temple dodging bullets, not bothering to pull out his own gun. He was focused on one thing and one thing only.  
  
“Tucker?” Caboose asked cautiously. As he ran behind the teal soldier.  
  
“Shut up, Caboose, before I stab you.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“For?”  
  
“Not putting you in my stories. I didn’t know how to tell him you-”  
  
“Not NOW, Caboose.” but Tucker was shocked. Caboose guessed? Caboose used his fucking BRAIN for once.  
  
“I read the nice letter he left you-”  
  
“I said not NOW.” He marveled at the fact Caboose could read. A rocket went off near them. “Shit! Head for the jeep, Caboose. I’ll be right behind you.” Time to go get his kick ass new ride and stab CT.  
  
For all that was wrong with him, Church was his and he only just got him back. He’d lost him to many times to let somebody take him away now. They’d been through so much together. Church had 'died' and come back again. They'd faced down freelancers and crazy A.I. They'd been sent through time, drank and laughed, and sang, and loved each other in silence. But the world had been perfect and whole, and like less of a shit hole. And wasn't that what love was? Someone who made your corner of the world a little patch of paradise?   
  
He hadn’t accept that Church wouldn’t come back and look where he was now. So close and so far away.   
  
Even though he wasn’t there. He’d forgive him- every time. And even if they could never be together in the physical sense he only knew one thing.  
  
He needed Church. No one else would be enough.  
  
As much as he hated himself for it, he loved the man…. Orb… Relic… Thing.  God he loved him. The universe could throw whatever they wanted at him; aliens, humans, mountains, deserts, black holes, space and time. Come what may, he’d love him until the end.  
  
But this wasn’t that end.   
  
It couldn’t be.


	5. Do All Things With Love

Church watched the teal guy step in front of the warthog. He was still stunned unable to scream aloud.  _What the hell? MOVE! MOVE YOU FUCKING IDIOT_. But he stood confident and firm. Ready for it. CT wasn’t slowing down. Church closed his eye in horror. The thought of him flying mangled through the air surged through him as they closed in.  _Noooo!_  
  
Suddenly he was thrown through the air in a fiery explosion. He was able to hover again when he saw the teal guy heading toward the structures after CT. Relief surged through him. Church needed to find him. Needed to see him--hear him say ‘Church’ the way he did. Only he said it that way. He wanted more than anything else to hear teal guy say it that way again. And he didn't know why. But this was one thing he didn't need to question.  
  
He hover up the structure they had climbed. CT had teal guy cornered.  
  
“Hey what’s up.” He asked trying to play off all cool.  
  
CT was about to off the teal guy.  
  
Teal…  
  
Teal eyes, dark skin, the scent of lime, the bitter taste of salt and sweat on his tongue… That big goofy grin…  
  
Bits and pieces. Nothing solid. But without the teal guy…  
  
“What the hell is that thing…”  
  
CT would kill the teal guy…. That thought sparked some deep vile rage inside him. Teal guy cared… To him he wasn’t a thing. To him he was... The anger inside him cause something to grow warm and hot. Then it pierced through the air like lightning. “Son of a-”  
  
“I AM NOT A THING! MY NAME IS LEONARD CHURCH! And you will fear my laser face!”  
  
“Woohoo hell yeah! Dude you just got fucked up!” The other guys came up the structure but he was focused on the teal one. He sounded relieved, and happy. To see him again? He hoped so and he didn’t know why.  
  
“Church how did you do that?!” He sounded so impressed. It made him kind of embarrassed. And the way he said his name. God… Wait, he was a god. Oh well.  
  
“I don’t know. I just got really mad and it… HAPPENED.” Because of the teal guy…  
  
“Can you do it again? Like to the yellow guy or something?”  
  
“I guess. I’m not really sure.”  
  
The red one whispered to the yellow guy, “I have a bad feeling about this.”  
  
“For once, Sarge? I have to agree with you.”  
  
But Church was still focused on the teal guy…  
  
Teal…  
  
DAMN IT, IF ONLY HE HAD MORE. THERE HAD TO BE MORE.  
  
“Look guys we need to keep our head in the game. Let’s get back in the temple and close it down for good.”  
  
Caboose looked over the side, “Umm… guys? I think we might have a problem.”  
  
He had a problem. Something didn’t add up, something was missing. Something important. He needed to remember. Why couldn’t he?  
  
 _Because the memory of him isn’t your’s._  
  
How did he know that? He wasn't sure but it was true. He'd stolen it from someone else. The other Church that Caboose feed him information about...  
  
But he really wanted it to be his. He had once been a part of that Church. And if that memory was Church's then that Church and Tucker were... His brain froze.  
  
 _Tucker… He's Tucker…_  
  
He loved Tucker. Whether the memory was his or not didn’t matter, it was true. He needed Tucker. Without Tucker, it didn't matter whether the memories made sense.


	6. Echoes of Love

Church floated around a corner to find Tucker reading from a small blue book. He set himself down next to him, quietly, “What you reading?”  
  
“GOD!” Tucker jumped and clutched the book, “Don’t scare me like that.”  
  
“Sorry…” He scooted closer. “What’s it about?”  
  
“It’s… About a girl who falls for a man who use to own the house she lives in. She finds out his ghost haunts the place.”  
  
“How did he die?”  
  
Tucker swallowed and turned a page, “In the war.”  
  
“Oh… That’s really sad. All she’ll ever have is the phantom of what he was…”  
  
Tucker closed the book and turned it to it’s back cover, “Yeah… You gave this to me, you know.”  
  
“I did?”  
  
“Yeah. You left it behind in your room. You didn’t tell me you did.” He sounded sad.  
  
“I’m sorry. I bet I was scared.”  
  
“Of what?”  
  
Church took a moment this time, instead of blurting out an answer. He came up with a good one, “Goodbye.”  
  
Tucker’s grip on the book tightened, “Me too.”  
  
“Will you tell me about him?”  
  
“Well, one thing he was an idiot. He was always trying to boss us around and was always getting mad at stupid shit. He was a complete ass really-”  
  
“Are you sure you were friends?”  
  
Tucker laughed, “Yeah. We were. That’s just the kind of relationship we had… He had black hair, goatee, pale as a ghost skin…” He trailed off. Then shook it away, “Um… He loved the Beatles and-”  
  
“Did you love him?”  
  
Tucker jumped again, “What?”  
  
“I’ve come to terms with the fact I’m not him. And that whatever memories and feelings for you I have aren‘t mine... But I just have to know… Did you love him?”  
  
Tucker set the book down between them and put his head in his hands, “Epsilon.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I still do. Every time you say my name I’m blatantly reminded.”  
  
“But… You like my voice, right?”  
  
Tucker laughed, “yea, very much.”  
  
“I like your’s, too.” there was a brief silence. “I love you. I don’t know if that’s from my exchange with your Church or something else but… I love you a lot.” Tucker laughed and picked him up, setting him on his lap and hugging him. “Tucker?”  
  
“Shut up. You’ll ruin it.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Epsilon?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“No. Call me Church. I like it better when you call me Church.”  
  
“Okay… Church?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Is it okay if I love you, too?”  
  
“Yeah. It’s okay.”


	7. Close The Door Behind You

When Epsilon had his bitch fit Tucker was the first to walk away. 'A problem' he had said.  
  
Problem.  
  
Well you know what Tucker's problem was? Church. Church was the whole reason that Tucker had any problems at all. All the way back in Blood Gulch, that bastard wouldn't let him use the sniper rifle, he always hogged the best rations for himself, he self appointed himself leader after Flowers died, and was an all around bitch to live with.  
  
That had never stopped any of them. Church was always saying how much he hated them, how much he hated the canyon, but Church didn't mean that. All that anger, Tucker was sure it wasn't about them. Underneath all the crap, Church would miss them. But when Epsilon had just reduced them to 'problems'. It was a reminder that he wasn't Church and that maybe he didn't matter like he thought he had mattered.  
  
It made Tucker want to just go back to how it was before, just pretend that Wash was Church, that they were kicking the Red Teams ass and just being pals and wouldn't have to think how Epsilon had probably walked off to certain doom with a chick who was eerily similar to Tex in ways that may have made Tucker a bit jealous... Okay, a lot jealous. So Epsilon had chosen her, big deal. Tucker was use to Church choosing Tex, Epsilon choosing Carolina was no different.  
  
But then Doc made his little speech about how they did have good times--how they all got what they wanted. Well, Tucker hadn't and he felt like and idiot.  
  
Tucker wanted Epsilon there with them, not haunting him in his memories. Even if the AI was a ghost of a ghost. Tucker wanted him there so he could love the shit out of him.  
  
So, Tucker really hadn't gotten what he wanted.  
  
But he was damn sure gonna go get it.


End file.
